apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I sprained my soul last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
