i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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