Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
