well you can't waste a boner
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
