i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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