She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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