I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
