How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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