Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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