no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
