Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
