At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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