So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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