the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
