I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
