I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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