oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
