I am in a vortex of obligation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize