I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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