Buhtt sex?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
