redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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