if only i could text you this smell
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So. Much. Porn.
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