My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
