I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
