apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
