We won't sleep together?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
