You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
