So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
