She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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