I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its about making memories worth repressing
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
