im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think my vagina is haunted
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
