I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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