My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
