just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
