Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
