I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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