I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
