There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up under a house in Key West
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