is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
