The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
