My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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