But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
