you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize