I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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