My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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