Where are you?
In a non slutty way
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
