He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
