Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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