Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
