What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm both gender and math confused
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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