My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
wow bdsm is so cute
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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