My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
