I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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