I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
