I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
well you can't waste a boner
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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