i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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