Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
