too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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