I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
