man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
