Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
