Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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